Language Exploration

Now Portland, ME isn’t as diverse as some cities out there are, but I do have the occasional sessions where there is a language barrier. This makes photo shoots difficult in two aspects, the sales part and trying to explain everything to the parents and getting the children to smile. So I went ahead and looked up how to say my favorite smile producer, Puppy Farts, in many different languages, weather it will help or not, who knows…

Afrikaans — Hondjie Farts
Armenian — T’ula Farts
Basque — Txakurkume Farts
Belarusian — Scaniuk Pakajet
Bengali — Kukurachana Farts
Bulgarian — Kuchentse Purdi
Catalan — Cadell Pets
Chinese — Xiao Goupi
Croation — Stene Farts
Czech — Puppy Prdy
Danish — Hvalp Farts
Estonian — Kutsikas Farts
French — Chiot Farts
Galician — Filhote de can Farts
Georgian — Lekvis Farts
Greek — Koutavi Pordes
Haitian Creole — Chyo Farts
Hindi — Pilla Farts
Hungarian — Kolyok Farts
Indonesian — Puppy Kentut
Japanese — Koinu Onara
Korean — Gang-aji Bang-gwi
Lithuanian — Suniukas Farts
Macedonian — Srce Prdi
Portuguese — Filhote de cachorro Farts
Russian — Shchenok Pukaet
Slovenian — Puppy Prdcev
Spanish — Cachorro Farts
Swedish — Puppy Fisar
Telugu — Kukkapilla Farts
Thai — Farts luk sunakh
Turkish — Kopek farts
Ukrainian — Shchenya Pukaye
Vietnamese — Puppy ram
Welsh — Cwn Back Farts

License to Drive, Fish, Hunt, Kill, Have Kids?

In my opinion leashes are for dogs, not kids. So when I saw a family approach the studio with one of their kids on a leash I knew I was in for it.

“Are you ready for a handful?” Mom asked me.
“Sure!”
“Good, because I don’t want to deal with them anymore! So you can take them for a little while. If they sit, they sit, but don’t count on it, and you won’t get any help from me!”

I guess I was in for it…

While I was setting up the background mom took a load off & dad came in to the camera room. There was some small talk then out of the blue, “Yeah, she’s stoned.”—Awesome.

The shoot went off with out any major glitches, the kids, if you just gave them some direction and settled them down a bit, were actually not that bad. Then it was time to pick out the photos. This can be the most difficult part, not only because it is difficult to choose between so many great photos, but also because at this point the kids are usually restless & wound up or cranky and mom is trying to concentrate (as well as she can in her given state…)

I’d say she spent more time yelling at the kids than actually looking at the photos. I did get out some crayons & coloring books to give them something to do, however the kids decided they didn’t like the color of my chairs and took it upon themselves to refinish them with said crayons. At one point mom asked if I had any rope & duct take, makes me wonder what would have happened had I given her some.

We were finally able to nail down her order and I was getting her rung up. Leashed boy—who wasn’t currently tethered to anyone, yet still leashed—stood up and walked right into the glass wall I have in my studio, forehead first which knocked him on his ass and made a reverberating “doiiiiinnnnngggg” sound.

I tried to hold my laughter back but once mom and a customer walking by started I couldn’t help but join in.

It’s families like these that make me wonder why you need a license to drive from one place to the next but not to have children.

Look at the Birdie!

It never fails that you will get the best photo of a child, best facial expresion, most natural smile, unbelievably touching moment and have a perfect shot… that is except for one teeny-tiny detail.

Unfortunately no matter how many times you try to fix the detail and recreate the “perfect shot” it is near impossible to get it just right without the assistance of Photoshop.

Sometimes its a piece of hair out of place, or an eyelash on a cheek, or some drool. Other times its more comical.

My favorite example of this was a very touching moment between grandmother and grandchild—lets just say it brought tears to my eyes…

…until I realized where little Vincent’s hand was and what it was doing. While composing the shot and capturing it, I failed to see that Vincent decided to flip me off. And it wasn’t just that his middle finger was raised a bit more than his others—it was as if he was a hand model for a book of inappropriate gestures. Perfect form.

Had I access to Photoshop it would have been a relatively easy fix. However corprate does not allow us to have it. So then I was faced with a dilemma—point it out or hope that they are so fucused on the connection between Vincent & grandma that they don’t notice it…

What would you do?

Puppy Farts… or Something Else?

When people come to me and ask about my job or what it takes I tell them three things:

1) Patience
2) Creativity
3) Can’t be afraid to be a goof ball

“Okay look here and smile” just doesn’t fly in the realm of children’s photography. You need to be silly and have different tricks up your sleeve to get the kids to smile, different antics.

My all time favorite, that always works (well almost always) on almost anyone over the age of three, is “Puppy Farts!”
There have been two times that my go to has failed me.

The most recent of the two events was this spring. It was a Friday evening after the parents were out of work and the kids out of school. There was a talent search for Disney happening right across the street the next day and the two girls I had in the studio REALLY wanted to be on Hannah Montana. Mom came in with the girls for some head shots and other photos to add to their “portfolios”.

Anna, the 7 year old was a doll and super easy to work with, the camera absolutely loved her. Simple, easy, painless.

Melissa, the 11 year old was a different story. I got the feeling she wasn’t as into this whole deal as much as mom or Anna were.

Filled with that pre-teen angst and low self-esteem that all girls go through at some point, her shots weren’t coming as easily as her sisters. I could tell that the smiles were forced so I pulled out my tried and true, Puppy Farts! It went a little something like this:

“Okay Melissa, look right up here and say ‘Puppy Farts!’”.
“Puppy Farts!”
And there it was, the beautiful natural smile I was looking for, followed by Melissa running out of the room completely embarrassed.

I don’t know if it was because she realized what she had said or if it was because she actually let her guard down for a moment and smiled, really smiled.

She chalked it up to “having a really bad day”, apologized and after a breather came back and we finished the shoot. Needless to say I didn’t pul out Puppy Farts! for the remainder of the day.

The first time Puppy Farts! ever backfired was a doozie! It was my first ever holiday season in a busy studio. I was shooting a family of four, mom, dad, and two older kids. The son was only a few years younger than I was, and smoking hot!

I don’t tend to just bust right into my extreme antics with adult shoots as by this time people have perfected their photo smile. Sometimes it works and other times you can tell its forced and looks almost painful. I try having everyone look up and say “Hi” or “Pizza” or some other mundane word (besides “Cheese” which only leads to cheesy smiles). Most of the time this works, but sometimes I have to break out the big guns, in this case, Puppy Farts!

For this family “Hi” and “Pizza” and the sort worked for a while but I could sense that I wasn’t getting their real smiles

So I busted it out—and it backfired! The kids and dad all said “Puppy Farts!” and it worked like a charm. Mom however, without missing a beat says, loudest of all, “Pussy Farts!”

As shocked, and slightly embarassed as I was, my retort was, “I think that’s called something else”.

Hotty McHotty Pants replies, “Yeah, a queif”.

No one could keep a straight face the rest of the sitting.